In a recent sermon Pastor Mark Driscoll called out young men for putting off manhood and extending their adolescence as “guys” rather than maturing into men. Watch this clip to see what he said:

Click through to the Resurgence if you can’t see the video.

If you care about ministering to emerging adults (18-24 year olds), or guys (16-26 year old males), then the following books should prove helpful to you in understanding their world. These books are filled with the best and newest sociological research on the topics. They are not “how to” books on ministering to young adults. Rather, they are descriptive and will give you the lay of the land.

Book #1: Souls in Transition

Souls in Transition: The Religious and Spiritual Lives of Emerging Adults by Christian Smith and Patricia Snell

This book is top-notch research that tells the definitive story of the religious and spiritual lives of emerging adults, ages 18 to 24, in the United States. It describes the major influences on their developing spiritual lives and reveals how the religious beliefs and practices of teenagers are strengthened, challenged, and often changed as they move into adulthood.

Many of their findings are surprising. First, parents are the single most important influence on the religious outcomes of young adults. Second, participation in evangelization, missions, and youth groups does not predict a high level of religious vitality just a few years later. Third, the common wisdom that religiosity declines sharply during the young adult years is shown to be greatly exaggerated.

What many will find particularly helpful is how Smith and Snell describe the broader cultural world of today's emerging adults, how that culture shapes their religious outlooks, and what the consequences are for religious faith and practice in America more generally.

Book #2: Guyland

Guyland: The Perilous World Where Boys Become Men by Michael S. Kimmel

This book is about “guys.” Guys are initiated into guyland sometime around high school and hopefully exit in their mid-20s. Kimmel paints a vivid picture of this depressing place populated by “almost-men.”

Young men are doing things very differently today than they have in the past. Guys are delaying the milestones of adulthood for a longer period of time, such as moving out of their parents’ home, getting jobs, buying homes, marrying, and having children. They are rejecting the traditional notions of mature masculinity by opting for vanity and narcissism. They follow Hugh Hefner's model of a life based on unrealistic and childish male wish fulfillment. Guyland celebrates and sustains guys’ failure to launch into the adult responsibilities of work and family.

Kimmel powerfully drives home the point that guyland defines “being a man” through consumption rather than production: video games, pornography, bars, parties, sports, the media, and other things. Guyland is filled with many of the most toxic elements of our culture: violence, hazing, drinking, drugs, pornography, emotionally detached intimacy, sexual harassment, and degradation of women.

It is clear why guyland is detrimental to both women and men. But Kimmel is hopeful. He discusses possibilities for change, addressing the importance of actively involved parents beyond their children’s high school years. He also provides stories of hope and bravery of individuals and institutions that have sought to address the problems associated with guyland.

Book #3: After the Baby Boomers

After the Baby Boomers: How Twenty- and Thirty-Somethings are Shaping the Future of American Religion by Robert Wuthnow

Wuthnow offers a broad description of this demographic: “Young adults are marrying later, having fewer children and having them later, moving more often, going to college in higher numbers, living with more immigrant neighbors and therefore more ethnic and religious diversity, and living in the suburbs even more than their baby boomer parents.”

This plays out in the fact that 46 percent of those in their early forties attend church weekly while only 29 percent of people in their twenties do.

The biggest single social factor related to declining church attendance among younger adults is the postponement of marriage and children. Wuthnow explains: “Being married or unmarried has a stronger effect on church attendance than anything else. Children also make some difference. This means that the postponement of marriage and children continues to suppress church attendance at least until adults are in their early forties.”

While those in their early forties go to church more often, young adults in their twenties talk about religion with their friends more than any other demographic. Furthermore, Wuthnow reports that “core beliefs have remained remarkably pervasive and stable” over the past 30 years. This means younger adults are interested in spirituality and are sympathetic to essential Christian doctrine.

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Masculinity Reclaimed Series: Click | View Series

What we lack is a biblical image of redeemed masculinity that attracts, inspires, galvanizes, and steadies fellows into fruitful manliness. The place to start is Jesus, but even here we need to remove some cobwebs. Many aspects of his personality are obscured in popular perception by his safer, more sympathetic qualities.

Pagan men in my city are surprised to find out that Jesus spent a lot of his time ignoring protocol, defending the weak, electrifying multitudes with his words, upsetting hypocrites, speaking the blunt truth to politicians, giving his best friends nicknames (including "Satan" on one occasion), and getting very angry.

Culture Shapers, Leaders, and Warriors

Here I am only unfolding the idea of masculinity launched in the Bible's opening pages. Adam, from day one, was soberly called to a life of industry, responsibility and, when necessary, conflict (Genesis 2:16-17). In fact, it was his sheer unwillingness to engage in conflict (with the serpent in Genesis 3) that led to his ultimate failure.

The fact is that men are the principle—though not exclusive—culture makers. Statistics prove that if you win a man to Christ, his wife and children are many times more likely to follow than if the woman is converted first. Of course we want to see women and children saved, but I'm saying that we will reach them too by aiming for men.

The three core callings of culture shaper, leader and warrior, while not only held by men, are certainly weighted towards them. And it is the Bible, and the worldview it teaches, which provides this dignifying and inspiring identity for men—an identity only attainable by virtue of creation in God's likeness and redemption in Christ through sheer scandalous grace. Guys will work at, lead and fight for whatever the church does; it's only through the gospel we preach that these God-given and sin-tarnished characteristics can be deployed rightly.

So how has the worldview, with the most tantalizing and rewarding design for manhood, managed to alienate men so successfully in our day? Wherever have we gone wrong? I tentatively suggest (and I may need to be less tentative and more manly) that we have created church environments that are effeminate—positively off-putting for most real guys.

A Book You'll Actually Read:

Clear, biblical answers to some of the most common questions—all in concise books you'll actually read! Mark Driscoll boils down the big ideas into little books. Find out more.

Masculinity Reclaimed Series: Click | View Series

Would you like Barack Obama on your kid's work rota? OK, maybe someone with his leadership gift and—assuming he loves Jesus—you'd be pleased, right? Not a man to let go lightly. Well, a former US President (and a legendary one) was let go. Why? As a young man Theodore Roosevelt, serving in a Sunday school, noticed a boy arriving with a black eye. When Roosevelt asked, the boy explained with embarrassment that another boy had pinched his sister, so he'd taken a swing at him and gotten into a scrap. Roosevelt gave the kid a dollar and a pat on the back. The future president was quietly removed that week.

I reckon there's a parable for us, and by "us" I mean the contemporary church. There is an expression of masculinity—an aggression, protectiveness, and a sense of injustice—which is primal in all men. I even see this in my boys. (The youngest seems to have come out of the womb yelling "charge!") Sure it has been horridly distorted in all men by the fall, but it's there.

The Choices

Men are wired with instincts, and it seems we have three choices:

• Abdicate indiscriminately to these instincts. This option leads to ungodly, ill-disciplined, boastful masculinity (chauvinism).
• Exclude them. The second leads to what we have had for centuries: churches that can't cope with men who reward boys for fighting for their sisters. (Churches which, in the words of Leon Podles, are "women's clubs with a few male officers." The husbands stay home or get dragged along, and look glazed till they hear the golden words, "We'll close the meeting there.")
• Redeem and channel them. The third option is the most difficult and the least fashionable, but it's also the most biblical and the most promising when it comes to getting the world changed for good.

One Saturday afternoon, I sat in my car outside a football ground (soccer field) in my city as it emptied. As thousands of young blokes spilled onto the pavements, I imagined the force for God unleashed in Brighton should the vigor, comradeship, belligerence, and strength before me be put to use for Jesus' kingdom! What would have to change for us to harvest and harness this multitude? Probably quite a lot (the next Teddy Roosevelt would get to keep his job, for example). Is it worth that price?

Death By Love:

Mark Driscoll and Gerry Breshears tackle some of the most serious redemptive aspects of Jesus' work in these twelve letters of counsel to individuals. Find out more.

As part of the Trial series in which I recently preached through 1 Peter, one sermon in particular got a lot of traction both online and on the radio. The response to Marriage and Men from 1 Peter 3:7 has been very encouraging, and I want to sincerely thank those who took the time to listen to that sermon and pass it on to their friends. Since posting it we have had churches ask if they could replay it at their churches for men’s groups, Father’s Day, and so on. The request has been very humbling, as even an amazing church of 10,000 people is planning to show it for their Father’s Day services. So the guys in my Preaching and Theology Branch of Mars Hill Church have been kind enough to post the sermon online in a 720p video format for free download, in a higher resolution than our normal video files, for use by anyone who wants it.

Download “Marriage and Men” in the downloads section of this media page.

Trial Study Guide:

Get the companion study guide to Pastor Mark's latest sermon series in downloadable PDF form. Find out more.

Grace and I have personally benefited from the following books; they are easy to read and are among the best in their areas of instruction. We have recommended these books many times over the years and have purchased many copies for our friends.

Marriage & Family

Family

• God, Marriage, and Family: Rebuilding the Biblical Foundation (Crossway, 2004) by Andreas J. Köstenberger and David W. Jones

Marriage

• Love That Lasts: When Marriage Meets Grace (Crossway, 2006) by Gary and Betsy Ricucci
• Sacred Marriage (Zondervan, 2000) by Gary Thomas

Sex

• A Celebration of Sex: A Guide to Enjoying God’s Gift of Sexual Intimacy (Thomas Nelson, 2002) by Douglas E. Rosenau
• Sex, Romance, and the Glory of God: What Every Christian Husband Needs to Know (Crossway, 2004) by C. J. Mahaney (for men)
• Intimate Issues: 21 Questions Christian Women Ask About Sex (WaterBrook Press, 1999) by Linda Dillow and Lorraine Pintus (for women)

Home

• Practicing Hospitality: The Joy of Serving Others (Crossway, 2007) by Patricia A. Ennis and Lisa Tatlock

Parenting

• Shepherding a Child’s Heart (Shepherd Press, 1995) by Tedd Tripp
• Grace-Based Parenting (Thomas Nelson, 2005) by Tim Kimmel

Parenting Teens

• Age of Opportunity: A Biblical Guide to Parenting Teens (P & R, 2001) by Paul David Tripp
• Girl Talk: Mother-Daughter Conversations on Biblical Womanhood (Crossway, 2005) by Carolyn Mahaney and Nicole Mahaney Whitacre
• How and When to Tell Your Kids About Sex: A Lifelong Approach to Shaping Your Child’s Sexual Character (NavPress, 2007) by Stan and Brenna Jones

Women

• Feminine Appeal: Seven Virtues of a Godly Wife and Mother (Crossway, 2004) by Carolyn Mahaney

Men

• Disciplines of a Godly Man (Crossway, 2006) by R. Kent Hughes

For those of you wanting to dig deeper and find books in particular areas of study, especially biblical study, you would benefit from bookmarking http://www.bestcommentaries.com/. For those looking to purchase a Bible, the ESV Study Bible is the new standard for study Bibles. Also great for personal reading and note-taking is the ESV Journaling Bible, patterned after the Moleskine.

Death By Love:

Mark Driscoll and Gerry Breshears tackle some of the most serious redemptive aspects of Jesus' work in these twelve letters of counsel to individuals. Find out more.

This last point will, for some, seem peculiar as the closing section of our “Long Live the Dead Guys Week” tribute to Old New Calvinists. However, I believe it is incredibly important.

One of the tasks of New Calvinists is to winsomely, correctly, passionately, and effectively discover fresh ways to say old truths. Another task of New Calvinists is to follow in the example of faithful Bible preachers and teachers who have preceded us by handling the big issues of our day as they did in theirs.

This leads us to complementarianism. In our age of great gender confusion—from feminism to chauvinism—and homosexuality, the issue of God-designed, complementary gender roles is incredibly timely and vital for the well-being of God’s people.

Three Views on Gender Roles

There are three basic views prevailing today in the home and church:

• Egalitarian (Feministic): There is no innate distinction between the roles of men and women in the home or church. Women can be pastors and men can be stay-at-home dads so that their wives can pursue their careers.
• Complementarian (Moderate): Men and women are partners in every area of life and ministry together. Though equal, men and women have complementary and distinct gender roles so that men are to lovingly lead and head their homes like Jesus, and only men can be pastors in the church.
• Hierarchical (Chauvinistic): Women are not only commanded to follow male leadership, but are not given a voice with male leaders, as women are often chauvinistically kept under thumb as the polar opposite of egalitarian feminism.

An Undergirding Truth

The New Calvinists are committed to complementarianism in the home and church. In some ways, this is a very important undergirding fact that binds us together. Over a meal in Vancouver, B.C., some years ago, a friend and wonderful brother, Bruce Ware, who has worked tirelessly on this issue, commented that he believed that someone’s view of gender roles in fact reveals much of their theology, including their view of God, the Bible as God’s Word, and how the Bible is to be interpreted. His words were both insightful and helpful.

Recovering Biblical Manhood and Womanhood

I can still remember having been saved a few years when John Piper and Wayne Grudem published the epic book Recovering Biblical Manhood and Womanhood with my friends at Crossway. My pastor told me to read the entire book, and so I did. It changed my life, family, and ministry—including Mars Hill Church, where I pastor, and Acts 29, which is a complementarian church planting movement. That book and my accompanying biblical study solidified for me a complementarian position that has never wavered an inch; the more I am hammered for the issue, like a straight nail, the deeper the conviction goes.

Without the courage shown in the early 1990s on this issue, I do not believe we would have the kind of courageously lovingly and selfless masculine men who are rising up to lead the New Calvinism that Time magazine says is the third most important idea changing the world right now. So, I want to close “Long Live the Dead Guys Week” by thanking the living guys who echoed the dead guys and planted a flag of truth to which a generation is running. Finally, if you want to read that book for yourself, you can find it free of charge here.

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Read the first part of this series here.

Amazing Mom

Grace is an amazing mom to our five children. She works incredibly hard, never complains, and has sacrificed a great deal over the years for me, our children, and our ministry. She feels the pain of my critics and gets furious when people assume they know me but have no idea since they see me for an hour a week on the stage and have no clue who I am or what I am like the rest of my life with her and the kids. She’s had people pretend to be her friend just to try and get into our life because they want power, influence, and/or employment. She’s been cussed out by complete strangers for decisions the elders made that she had nothing to do with. She’s had to deal with people showing up at our home demanding our time and even threatening our family. She’s had to share me with the world and weep many times when I catch a flight. She’s had to serve ungrateful people who took so much of her time and energy that I became frustrated only to then receive even more demands and threats of anger or manipulative guilt if she did not continue to do what they wanted when they wanted how they wanted.
Through it all she’s learned to be my friend. Grace is the one person I know will be with me in forty years. And I will still close my eyes every day and think about holding her hand then too.

Grace is not like me.

I can be brash, intense, overbearing, ill-worded, and the like. She is patient, loves to counsel people, has hope for everyone, and serves anyone. I learn a lot from her example, and praise God I have gotten to grow up with her through high school, conversion, and college, all the way from our teens to our thirties.

This Sunday I will share her with Mars Hill Church and those who tune in online. When I preach the story of the Peasant Princess from the Song of Songs, I will be teaching from a series of love letters between a husband and wife. As we do often at Mars Hill, we will open up some time for live text-message questions from our campuses and, following the sermon, Grace and I will try our best to answer them so as to be of service. To be honest, I’m a bit anxious. I’ve preached live to crowds of ten thousand people without even getting a bit nervous and could literally take a nap before getting up to preach. But the thought of having the person I love, cherish, and care for the most with me makes me anxious. I am Grace’s defender and protector and friend. I know that her role will be misunderstood by some, and her answers picked through by critics who have made it their life mission to act like Judas in the name of Jesus. So, before I share my Grace with you, I wanted you to pray for a few things, if you would.

Prayers

1. Pray that people understand that she’s not preaching but rather practicing Titus 2 by coming in to answer women’s questions about marriage and sexuality that frankly I have no wisdom on as a man.
2. Pray that she and I do a good job threading the needle when answering the questions.
3. Pray that we can help the people in our church because we love them and have given our entire life to them.
4. Pray that people will understand that she is not an employee of the church, does not lead anything at the church, and as a mom with five young children is focused on her family in this season of life and cannot meet with all the women and deal with all the issues that some will want her to.
5. Pray that she and I will see more of our future through this process. Grace wants to work alongside of me in ministry for the rest of our lives and we’re wondering if, one day when our kids are grown and we’re in a different season of life, she should be teaching women and encouraging pastors’ wives, as that is her heart.
6. Pray that I honor her well publicly as I should.
7. Pray that I can get her to laugh loudly a few times from the stage because it’s awesome.

1 Timothy 2:13-14
I promised last Sunday that I would pick up today where we left off in 1 Timothy 2:13. You recall that in verses 11-12 Paul said, "Let a woman learn in quietness with all submissiveness. I permit no woman to teach or to have authority over men; but to be in quietness." After studying the words "quietness" and "teach" and "authority", we came to the conclusion that the kind of teaching which is inappropriate for women is the teaching that is part of expressing the authority spoken of here in verse 12.