If you love me, you will obey what I command. And I will ask the Father, and he will give you another Counselor to be with your forever – the Spirit of truth. The world cannot accept him, because it neither sees him nor knows him. But you know him, for he lives with you and will be in you.
John 14:15-17

My family and I seem to have developed a new practice when we are together during the Christmas holidays. We lounge around in the morning watching television as we eat breakfast and my nephew runs around. We often find ourselves watching court TV shows. One episode we saw featured a juvenile who had been arrested multiple times. He was always in trouble, stealing and acting mischievously. So the judge ordered him to be sent to a "scared straight" program. Maybe you have heard of such a program. A wayward teen is put with a Rambo-type, very large, angry-looking man who comes to the child's face to scream and yell. His insults are designed to break the child down. Then they whisk the child off to some sort of prison where the child is with more adults who do the same thing again and again.

This particular episode featured a child who was experiencing such reform measures. And it seemed to work – for about a week. The teen came out of the scared-straight experience and thought, "Hey, I'll change because I don't want to go to prison." But about a month later, this child was behaving the same way he did before the program. The judge called him back and she asked, "What's going on? We sent you to the program. You got scared straight; you made this new commitment to your life. But nothing has really changed." And she was baffled.

I sat there amazed and thought, why would someone change when they are being yelled at and degraded? Is that motivation to be different? At the end of the program the judge said, "I just don't understand." And I thought, "Would you change if someone did that to you?" In Scripture we see that Jesus presents something completely different. The Biblical picture is that real change, real obedience to righteousness, comes out of an extension of love.

A recent magazine article asked, "Why do kids obey their parents?" The publication went on to give three different scenarios where kids are motivated to obey. In the first scenario the child obeys because he is afraid of his parents. Another child obeys for the rewards. Others obey out of social pressure. The article concluded by saying that the bottom line is that kids obey their parents because they love them and they do not want to disappoint them. That type of obedience comes out of an intimate love with their parents.

If that is true for human relationships, then how much more is it true for God's people? Our obedience is to be grounded in love; not fear that if we are not obedient, the Lord might zap us. Are you afraid that the big mean God in the sky might come down and make your life miserable? A tree might fall on your car. You might get a flat tire. You need to have your quiet time before you walk out the door, lest you get into a car accident. Or you must obey so you can have a nice family, your kids will be disease-free and your marriage will work. Nothing more than legalism drives such obedience.

Some obey Christ primarily because of anticipated rewards – and there are many, many rewards. What is man's chief end in America? Well the answer to that in the "Popular American Catechism" is "Glorify yourself and live in comfort forever." If Christianity does that for me, then that is what I will choose. If Buddha does that for you, then that is good for you – because this type of obedience is about rewards.

Others are under great social pressure. Many obey Christ because their friends do so and they want to be accepted by their peers. It does not matter if you are 16 or 45 or 65, the social pressure can still be the same. Some people may want their parents' approval. When I went to college, I made sure that I went to church every Sunday so that when my mom called and asked, "Did you go to church?" I could say, "Yes! I was there."

Jesus paints a different picture. In this picture obedience comes out of love. Obedience is not out of fear, it is not because of the rewards, and it is not because of the social pressure. Behind this obedience is a relationship borne in love. True obedience comes about because of the presence of God in the believer. Jesus says in John 14:23, "If anyone loves me he will obey my teaching. My Father will love him, and we will come to him and make our home with him." That is a very powerful statement! Think about it.

God the Father and Son and the Holy Spirit come and make their home in the believer. They do not make their home in unbelievers; they make their home in believers.

When you buy a new house or move into a new apartment, you do not just move your stuff in and sit there. You may decorate; you may knock down some walls. You may re-do the kitchen or finish the basement. You do things to make this house your home. For the believer, God the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit come and do that. By extension it is quite natural to grow in obedience because God the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit are there in the believer.

Earlier in John 14 Jesus says, "And I will ask the Father, and he will give you another Counselor to be with you forever – the Spirit of truth. The world cannot accept him because it neither sees him nor knows him. But you know him, for he lives with you and will be in you." Obedience comes because God has set up shop in you. He might redesign some rooms, get rid of the brown stale-looking cabinets, put a new marble counter top in the kitchen.

If Jesus Christ is in you renovating from the inside out then, by extension, you will be a different person. How can it not be so? How could you have that much representation from God Himself in you and not be different? So Jesus says there is a natural association in that the one with Him is the one who obeys Him. You cannot help but obey. It becomes your habit. It becomes your identity. It is who you are. You are a person who has God the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit at home in you. I find wonderful comfort in that.

But not only does Scripture teach us this truth about obedience; we also learn that those who do not have God the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit at home in them do not obey. Jesus says, "He who does not love me will not obey my teaching" (Jn. 14:24a).

On the surface that may seem like an obvious conclusion, but we do not treat people that way. Sometimes we actually expect people to obey Jesus Christ without loving Him first. And so we preach obedience, moralism, legalism, do this and do not do that, and we do not preach Jesus Christ! Oftentimes we encourage people to be obedient to God as they face their moral quandaries, but we do not point them to Jesus Christ. Then we wonder why they do not change, why nothing has really happened. If a person is not connected to Christ, they will not obey Him. They do not have the Spirit of truth. "The world cannot accept him, because it neither sees him nor knows him" (Jn. 14:17). They will not accept Him and they have no experience, no knowledge of this great Counselor because God has not given it to them.

In my experience in youth ministry over the years, I regret having seen attempts to motivate young people to obedience through means other than the love of Jesus. Sometimes we use fear. We try to scare kids into change. We talk about how miserable they will be if they do not obey God. Sometimes we use fun. We try to make being a Christian cool. We try to trick them into obedience because it is the cool thing to do. So church needs to be cool and fun, as well as Bible studies, mission trips, and mercy ministry. Sometimes we try to preach about the fruit, all the wonderful benefits that come through a relationship with Jesus Christ. And there are many, many benefits. But we cannot preach these things without the foundation of a love for Jesus Christ.

Over the years I have seen that if a teen or someone else in my church needs change, then they need an encounter with Jesus Christ. They need a love affair with Jesus. That changes people. I cannot scare them into lasting change. I cannot massage them into change by making things fun or giving them the benefits. But I have seen Jesus Christ change people. I have seen the Spirit of God overwhelm people so that it becomes their natural habit to obey God because God the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit have come to make their home in that person.

There is a teen I know who has had a really hard life. He was adopted. His birth mom was an alcoholic. He grew up with many questions about his identity. He never fit in at school. His parents are workaholics. And he struggled with drugs and alcohol. He made a couple of suicide attempts. This is a kid who grew up in the church, went to Christian schools mostly, and was a regular at Sunday school. He was part of the youth group. He had everything and that did not work.

At one point I was really challenged by our pastor to treat people like Jesus treats me. So I decided to love this kid to death and keep pointing him to Jesus Christ. Over the years I would get frustrated thinking why won't this boy change?! I told him, "Look, if you continue like this you're going to kill yourself." Later I said, "Look, man, being with God is pretty awesome stuff. This is cool! Cool people are into Jesus!" That did not work. His reaction was to say, "Yeah, whatever." I even told him, "Your life will work out great; things will be wonderful!" That did not work either.

So I began asking him why he did not believe the Gospel. And he told me that he really did not understand the Gospel. He really did not understand what the point was because, in his life, he was tired from the dis¬tractions and pressures that just kept coming into his life. His lip quivered and his hands shook as he said, "I just want some rest. When people talk about heaven it just sounds so busy. And I want some rest!" From that point, I could share about the love of Jesus Christ with him and explain that this love was designed to bring him rest. And I saw his face light up.

That teenager had an encounter with Christ by reading Hebrews Chapter 4 which promises a rest for the people of God. It is now on the basis of this relationship with Christ and an understanding of His love that I pray that this young man will understand and obey the teaching of Jesus Christ. My other tactics did not work. For this kid, as well as the others in our churches and families, if they are not in love with Jesus Christ then do not expect much. Do not expect the type of lasting change that happens when God the Father and Son and Holy Spirit have come to dwell and make their home with a person.

Such an experience in ministry has made me reconfigure my thinking in terms of how I relate to people. I now pray, not that people would be good, not that they would stop doing this or that, but that this person would fall in love with Jesus Christ. That kind of love covers over a multitude of sins. This is our hope for our own lives, for our families, for our churches. Because Jesus says when people love Him they obey his teaching. God the Father and Son and Holy Spirit have come to dwell in them and make things change. What a great joy it is to look at your kids and other people you love and know that God is dwelling in them. To know that it is on this basis that God will change them and make them into the people that He has designed for them to be. If you want radical change in your life and in the lives of people you know, send them to Jesus that they may be loved straight.