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I see you and I judge

Jan Quick » God Heart Gospel Sin

Ladies, I have a confession. I am self-obsessed. My guess is that you are, too.

Ladies, I see you and I judge. You see me and you judge. We’re women, this is what women do. Where are you on the totem pole? Where am I? Looks, gifts, talents, bodies, children’s obedience, husband’s successfulness must all be compared and categorized.

Who is the thinnest, the prettiest, the wisest? It’s not enough to be regular, middle, ordinary. One must be the best, the winner, top dog. One must triumph over the pack, or suffer the mocking disdain of them.

Of me. And you.

Brutal little liars

There is a judge, a jury, a panel of accusers. “Do you think you’ve hidden your shame?” they cry. “You are a fraud, a loser, a wannabe. You’ll never make it to the top!” These voices have been with us all of our lives, it seems. Who are they anyway? The Bible tells us that this voice is the accuser of the brethren whose name is liar and yet . . . it still feels so true.

I, for one, am obsessed with trying to prove this liar wrong, for I know this voice. It is as comfortable as an old, moth-eaten blankie, enveloping me in its filthy, disease-ridden reassurance. This is who I am called: fat, ugly, embarrassing. What are you called? Stupid? Boring? Alone? These labels are powerful in their brutal deceit.

We are too much, too little, too loud, too scared.

We are lacking.

I bow low before the fearful beauty of Jesus. It is here that I am changed.

The truth is that we are obsessed with ourselves. We don’t spend near this amount of time or energy or interest or money or worry on the things of Jesus. We try to fight this battle with the flaccid weapons of, “I’m fine, God made me the way that I am, and I am his child. My husband/friend/mother thinks I’m beautiful, certainly my children and my grandchildren love me.” All that is true of course, but it is not the first truth.

Bowing low to his loveliness

The only weapon powerful enough for this fight is Jesus. He is beautiful. He is loveliness beyond description, splendor and glory and might. All this time and energy and attention are only worth it for Jesus. All this money and fuss and focus are a waste of time unless the time is redeemed in him. The melding of a mother’s heart with her children is his work. The love of a man for a woman is a mere hint of the beauty to be found in Jesus’ eyes. Beloved Jesus is always and only the point. He is beauty.

Him.

I bow down, I bow low before the awe, the wonder, the fearful beauty of Jesus. It is here that I am changed. There is no ladder of competitiveness. Others’ gifts are a clear pathway to see him. Others’ beauty are sweet fragrances of Jesus. As women are my sisters, we are daughters together of the one who actually matters.

And because of this, our mattering is put in proper perspective. Bowed low is the only position that brings sight to that which is constant. It is in our precious Lord Jesus that we mirror who we are, that we become truly whose we are. It is in him that a woman’s face reflects that which changes everything.

Jesus.


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