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A Wife's Testing Ground
Some of my most scary moments as a wife have been when my husband has struggled. Some of my most intimate encounters with Jesus have been when my husband has struggled. As a wife, each of us has faced or will encounter one of these scenarios:
- Your husband has just confessed sexual or financial sin.
- His company has downsized and his position terminated.
- Usually a solid rock, he is filled with doubt and questioning God.
What does a wife do when her husband is caught in sin? Reveals an area of vulnerability or is just plain weak for a time?
Who Is Your Rock?
There is no more heart revealing place for a wife than when her husband is vulnerable. Immediately and with gut-wrenching force, a stumble or struggle from our husbands exposes us to the core. Fear and anxiety leap to the surface as we desperately try to find our footing. We ask ourselves who we can trust to lead us through the uncertainty of this trial when the supposed “leader” is on the side-lines. Cynicism abounds as we wonder how God could leave us unprotected. If our value is tied to his purity, we will be devastated. If our security is grounded in his job title, we will be shaken. If our faith rides the coattails of his, we will find ourselves drowning in unbelief.
If our husband is our rock, we may be crushed by him.
Daughter First, Wife Second
We walk a fine line in trying to understand how to respond to our husband’s sin or struggle. As a Christian woman, while we are “one flesh” (Genesis 2:24) with this man, our lives are also hidden with Christ (Col 3:3) Regardless of the chronological timeline of these events, the moment you were welcomed into God’s family as a daughter supersedes the day you became wife. The core of the issue is that steadfast love and commitment in a marriage finds its hope and source in Jesus alone. We cannot expect perfection from our husbands; we can from Christ.
There is no more heart revealing place for a wife than when her husband is vulnerable.
Comfort in Questions
As wives, our husband’s struggle sends us soul searching. We ask questions that may not have answers: Will he ever change? How can I guarantee he won’t hurt me again?
In Psalm 77, the psalmist’s heart is broken, he is crying out to God and his soul refuses to be comforted (vs 2). In the darkness of his anguish, his spirit makes a diligent search and he asks 5 questions:
- Will the Lord spurn forever, and never again be favorable?
- Has his steadfast love forever ceased?
- Are his promises at an end for all time?
- Has God forgotten to be gracious?
- Has he in anger shut up his compassion?
These questions have answers. The answers to these questions translate into practical comfort for a wife who is facing the pain and hurt of her husbands’ absence–be it emotional, physical or spiritual:
- All this is from God, who through Christ reconciled us to himself and gave us the ministry of reconciliation. - 2 Corinthians 5:18
- Oh give thanks to the LORD, for he is good;for his steadfast love endures forever! - 1 Chronicles 16:34
- For all the promises of God find their Yes in him. - 2 Corinthians 1:20
- He will surely be gracious to you at the sound of your cry. - Isaiah 30:19
- For God has not destined us for wrath, but to obtain salvation through our Lord Jesus Christ. - 1 Thessalonians 5:9
Same answers every time – from thousands of years ago when the psalmist asked to today when the lonely, grief-stricken wife asks.
God is our Rock and where our hope must lie. The condition of a wife’s heart exposed under the pressure of her husband’s weakness is a glorious opportunity for her to draw near to her Rock and Redeemer. May we take those uncertain moments to pour out confidence in the grace and certainty of Christ to our men. We get to show our husbands that the love of Christ can sustain us both as we hope and pray for them.