Jonathan Dodson » Evangelism Wisdom Gospel Counseling Community

Sympathize with others 

Good questions are an important way to get real conversation going, but alone, they are not sufficient for substantive community. Knowledge about a person’s life circumstances doesn’t produce community. It is important that we also learn how to sympathize with people when they share their heart. We can do this by striving to understand how they are responding to their circumstances. Are they in doubt, depressed, encouraged, or embittered? We can sympathize with their struggle, just as Jesus sympathizes with us: “For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses” (Hebrews 4:15). Try asking these questions:

•  "Are you discouraged? Where do you have doubt?"
•  "That is so difficult. Ugh!"
•  "Does anyone else struggle with that?"
•  "Can we pray for you right now?"
•  Bring up the issue in the next meeting.

Once you have tried to sympathize with someone’s story, you have embodied the gospel before speaking the gospel. It’s important that we follow Jesus’ example of gentle sympathy with others instead of trying to “fix” people. 

Discern the heart 

Sympathy alone does not offer hope. In order to lead people to hope in their situation, we need to be discerning and wise friends to help them look into their own hearts. The heart is the seat of our longings and decision-making (Proverbs 4:23; Luke 6:45). It governs our responses to our circumstances. What our heart believes, desires, and trusts will determine our response to a situation. 

To have good gospel conversations, we need to help people discern their heart in their life story.

We discern by relying on the Spirit and the Word to see our heart motivations.

Be sure to communicate your love and acceptance regardless of their struggle, and make sure they know you have heard their story. Here are some ways to do so:

• "In that situation I would be tempted to blame my co-worker, what about you guys?" 
• "Is there a subtle lie you might be believing here?" 
• "What do you want most out of the situation? What are you longing for?" 
• "Where do you feel like you were wronged?" 
• "What is most important to you in that moment?" 

Here are some additional questions to discern idols of the heart (adapted from Counterfeit Gods)

• "Where are you spending your money?"
• "Where does your imagination take you? What do you daydream about?"
• "Where are your emotions uncontrollable? What do you find yourself longing for, angry over, or fearful of? There is your idol."
• "How do you respond to unanswered prayers or dashed hopes?"

The basic three part structure of this series is adapted from David Powlison’s counseling mantra:

1) Listen to Their Story

2) Empathize with Their Story

3) Redemptively Retell Their Story.

 

 

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