Lately I’ve been intrigued by reality shows where people’s self-deceit meets a brick wall of incontrovertible truth. I don’t place American Idol in that category because at the end of the day many of the failed singers can simply walk away and say, “That’s just their opinion.”

Brutal Honesty

One show that really makes people face facts they don’t want to see is Kitchen Nightmares, hosted by renowned British chef Gordon Ramsay. The premise of the show is that Ramsay visits various failing restaurants around the world, evaluates why they are failing, and unflinchingly (and often quite brutally) shows them the truth. Restaurant owners are shocked when he ascribes the problem to things like poor food quality. Most of them saw themselves as victims of circumstance, such as poor location or incorrect marketing, but the truth was much worse than they imagined. 

What also keeps coming up among the owners is something to the effect of “No one ever complained about the food,” to which Ramsay replies, “They vote with their feet. They leave and never come back.” Ramsay is harsh, and despite the occasional intense conflict that results, almost every episode ends with the owners owing him a debt of gratitude for a vibrant new restaurant that has not only had a facelift, but also a heart transplant, often accompanied by healed relationships between the various parties running the establishment.

Do I Need To Hear The Truth?

It occurred to me that I am probably more like those restaurateurs than I care to think, and like them I wonder how many people are ready to fearlessly challenge me that way. More importantly, I trust that there are people who will challenge me long before I get to that position of desperation, but am I creating opportunities for that to happen?

How rare and wonderful a thing it would be to have someone like Chef Ramsay in our lives—but are we even asking for help? Are the people I expect to lovingly challenge me even aware that I have that expectation of them? Am I just hearing the positives that I want to hear? In the age of Facebook and unidirectional communication, are we inviting that kind of challenge?

Seek Accountability

In an effort to proactively seek accountability, I sent a document out to just a few close people with the questions below:

• How am I most disappointing as a friend?

• Where do I most consistently fail?

• What patterns do you see that annoy or frustrate you?

• What is something you’ve wished I would do or stop doing?

• Where/how am I not living up to my potential?

• What are my blind spots?

• How can I be of more help to you?

Only a couple of people responded, but I think even the act of sending these questions made it clear that I have an expectation of them. As it says in Proverbs 27:6, “Faithful are the wounds of a friend; profuse are the kisses of an enemy.”

What faithful friends do you have in your life who will be brutally honest with you?