I am the leading man to five wonderful women. My wife, Kara, and I have been entrusted with loving and raising four daughters. Of course, my girls aren’t really girls anymore: they’re 20, 17, 15, and 12 years old. I have learned much about raising daughters. I have much to learn still. But here are my two most poignant lessons.

Translator Needed

I grew up in a home with my dad, my mom, and my little brother. It was a masculine home, filled with guns and smelling like bacon. So when it was my turn to be a dad and I found my quiver filled with girls, I needed help. I really needed a translator.

Enter my helpmate and guide in all things feminine, my wife Kara.  Even with the best of intentions, I am clumsy when it comes to communicating with my girls, and if it weren’t for Kara, I’d be lost. She is my trusted counselor on understanding perspectives and emotions that I don’t see or feel. She helps me understand, for example, why I can’t say things to my girls like, “Sweetheart, you OK? You look really tired today!”  In my mind, I’m saying that I’m concerned for them, but what my girls tend to hear is “You don’t look good.” Kara has showed me how to simply say, “I love you and want to know if you’re OK today.” Besides Jesus, she is the absolute best thing in my life and home.

Kara models biblical womanhood for my girls, and I do everything I can to call attention to her display. Raising daughters is a team effort. If I am to lead, I need someone to follow. Kara isn’t perfect in following, but she is awfully close. My girls love her and get in line behind her as she follows me. Womanhood is both taught and caught. I do most of the teaching. My wife does all of the modeling.

Transformation Required

As a pastor, I have met too many women who grew up in Christian homes but don’t love Jesus, hate men, and are angry at the church. I have found a consistent answer to the question, “What happened?” Most of these lost, angry and disillusioned women were raised by religious dads, men who outwardly went through the motions of Christian morality without a heart for Jesus beating beneath. I don’t want to be that guy.

I will be a man, a husband, and a dad shaped by repentance rather than religion.

I have asked three things of Jesus for each daughter: that she would love him, that she would love her family, and that she would love the church. So far, it would seem Jesus has honored my requests.

This has been my strategy: I will be a man, a husband, and a dad shaped by repentance rather than religion.

Repentance, Not Religion

Religion is a doing more and trying harder to live according to the rules of the Bible. Repentance is being honest about falling short of those rules, owning how much it hurts both Jesus and my family, and then turning to Jesus and trusting him for forgiveness and change.

My daughters have seen my tears when I have sinned against God, against their mom, and against them. They have forgiven me too many times to count. They know I’m not perfect. They know I am a work in progress and have a front row seat to my failures. They get to see and feel that I love Jesus, am crazy about their mom, and enjoy them. And that seems to be enough.

Originally posted at the Mars Hill Blog.