Discipling

To disciple guys like Jesus did, you have to be prepared to leave them. Jesus did it all the time. Although he was more forbearing than we can imagine, he also knew when he was wasting time and kept the bar pretty high. He didn't do the chasing, the disciples did. This is a counterintuitive thing, and we have to be brave if we want to learn it, but men really need (and eventually want) to be stretched. If every parasite is coddled, the real men will either head for the door or become parasites too. I'm ashamed to say I make some leadership decisions safely, imagining I cannot ask the guys to follow me into something crazy. But what gives me that idea? Precedent does, that's all. This is very important. Some guys won't follow us until they see we mean business, and they see this most vividly when others leave us, yet we don't back down in our commitment. This is why it is counterintuitive: by letting some people leave, you will cause others to join—others who would never have joined you otherwise (John 6:66-69). A friend of mine, who coaches church planters, knew there were two guys in his group who were not showing the character or commitment he expected in a room of serious planters. He asked them both to not come back. This kind of thing makes us sad—especially for the wives of the guys in question—but there is no way these men would have been helped by pandering. They stand a better chance of making progress having been stood down, and meanwhile the rest of the group have shot forward in the training, having seen the bar go higher. The lesson seems to be that if you're a coach, you will need to bench people now and then.